Fight against no one

We become what we can’t fight.

We want to stay sane. Why? Don’t know. But we have to. There are things, in numbers quite large, we don’t like. We want them to not happen. We want them to end. We don’t fight them. Sometimes we “can’t” fight them. Why fight a battle that we will lose after we appear to win?

We are cowards. We are scared to risk what we may end up losing after we win. It kills us from inside. We fight against our own selves. This is a battle we choose over the one we can’t afford to lose, or win.

We are losers. We use our fingers, not our arms to convey what we want. We just can’t fight back.

“What the hell do I do?”, asked a voice inside me, one day.

“Why do you have to fight it? It is the way it is. Stop troubling yourself over it. You are not responsible for everything wrong that’s happening around you.”, came a reply in a slightly different voice.

When there is a conflict inside, one of the sides is assigned to the blood pumping organ and the other to the manager of organs. I couldn’t identify which one was which.

The following day, I argued against the notion of chasing dreams.

Best friends

Feeling horrible, right?

Yes.

How exactly are you feeling?

Feeling heavy… like there is a big stone on me.

Oh! That’s really difficult to deal with. What is this stone made of?

Many random thoughts and emotions.

Hmm.. that’s what makes it complex.

Yes

Let’s start by picking one thought.

Ok.. I tried my best today but I still couldn’t prepare good food for guests.

Oh!

You know I feel really ashamed, I feel inadequate. It’s embarrassing.

Hmm.. I know, you tried really hard with good intent, gave it all your time and it feels really bad when we fail.

Yes, exactly.

What else?

I also feel afraid.

Afraid?

What would those people think of me?

What can they possibly think?

I’m not good enough. I don’t have a cooking sense. I don’t know how to manage my home. I am not a great person to associate with.

That harsh?

Hmm.. you’re right. They wouldn’t be too harsh. They should be able to see that it happens. All of us make mistakes and fail at things despite our best efforts at times.

That gentle?

Hehe.. some of them will not be so gentle. They may judge for a while, gossip about
it.

Hmm.. are they the ones who will stop talking to you?

Hehe.. Now, if I think of it, they won’t. Everyone is going through so much every day, this will only make them feel better for a while. They will forget later.

Hmm.. that’s a great service. Youre making people feel better.

Hehe.. actually, our mistakes, failures and flaws help us connect with people at a human level. It’s okay to make mistakes in front of people.

Hmm.. that’s quite insightful.

Well, at least I learnt something out of this. My pain didn’t go waste.

Great. How’s the pain now, by the way?

Surprisingly, it’s not there anymore. I feel like that complex, heavy stone like structure has been smoothened.

That’s great. Sleep tight now. Good night.

Good night, indeed.

This was her conversation with her heart. Yes, she is her best friend and she understands herself the best. If she doesn’t, it’s not fair to expect others to. If she doesn’t forgive herself, how will others ever be able to. If she isn’t gentle on herself, others can be harsh too. If she doesn’t love herself and care for her heart, how will others find it worthy enough?